Dating a Girl With a Lot of Family Issues
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| Quote: Originally Posted by TabulaRasa We're over a thou miles abroad and have very limited contact, and there's however fallout. There would exist if he never had whatsoever contact with any of them. You can't erase the by, and how information technology shapes who you are. The nearly yous can exercise is address it. The damage inflicted upon him for years at the hands of relatives is a washed bargain, and it affects many facets of his life. Just because yous get away from it doesn't mean it leaves yous. Just my experience. Yes, information technology leaves a lot of scars in how yous handle things and a lot of times it is subconcious. My last girlfriend had a horribly disfunctional family and that set the stage for how she handled her problems and the relationship. There are sure things I tin can deal with, but situations where the two parents hate eachother's guts and things like that, sis who is has anxiety disorders and got rid of her son and left her husband is just something I'd stay away from :P |
05-17-2012, 10:37 PM | | |||
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| Quote: Originally Posted by burgler09 Practise yous guys get involved with people with a crazy family groundwork? Trouble with parents, crazy sisters , brothers etc etc. I recently met a daughter who had a family background similar this and backed off big time and will probably call information technology off. This is a huge ruddy flag for me considering I've been with a girl in this situation and it went horrible. Do you guys think alike or do you lot usually stick it out? Here'due south the matter...while a dysfunctional family with serious problems (addictions, violence, abuse) is a scarlet flag, it's not fair to completely blow a person off just considering that's the life they were unfortunate enough to be built-in in to. Sometimes there really are screwed families with that i of two members who manage to ascension above crazy and be real decent, worthwhile people. Many of us know people like "Marilyn Munster" - the normal family member in the midst of all those other Munsters Exist fair with folks, don't hold their crazy families confronting them. Wait and spotter to discern for yourself how affected, or unaffected, they might truly be by the crazies they've had to grow upwards with! |
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| I was once at work and this rough chick wanted to set me up with her sister. She brings in this really obscure photo of her, where y'all couldn't tell anything. The sis had an objectionable occupation (no need to hash out that hither, since "oh, that's not dainty" will surface), was divorced, and had two kids. They came from a mother who was on her Fifth wedlock. With FB, I accept been able to get a better look at the sister. This chick at piece of work was nuts. As for the sister, is there a Woof icon? |
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| My family is a mess and my SIL's family is 10 times worse. I once told her, "It's bad plenty you come from a f'd upward family, just to ally into another one on top of it takes a special kind of stupid." (Don't worry she laughed). I was once at a dry cleaner and someone recognized my concluding name and asked me if I was related to so and then and I said, "yep.' (it was my dad). So the guy asked me if I was his wife. I said, "I'm trying to marry out of this family - not into information technology." |
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| even 2 parent families have dysfunction. My parents hated each otehr but they raised u.s. to be good people and to accept intendance of ourselves. I watched mom and dad fight every single twenty-four hours and information technology got hairy!!! I take never ever ever had a confrontation like that with a boyfriend or even a friend. I'm a talker and I communicate calmly when things are bothering me enough and I know when my emotions are so much for me that I need to walk away and revisit a situation. I may non e'er say things the right or polite way, but I take never yelled and thrown things and name called, like my parents did..eff that! I neglect to see how screaming and being irrationally angry solves annihilation, if that's the goal. Either manner, my point is, my brothers and I somehow are the opposite of our parents. they communicate with their girlfriends the aforementioned way I take with boyfriends, calmly and rationally. we made a choice to be better than that. Now I"grand not proverb I will never always have my buttons pushed and then far that I will throw things i day the way my mother did, simply I hope to god that if I ever go to that indicate, that I think to walk away, slowly, lol. |
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| Quote: Originally Posted past mir86 even 2 parent families take dysfunction. Of course they exercise. All families have dysfunction...all relationships have dysfunction. Nobody maintains relationships that operate smoothly over the years with no glitches or flaws whatever, and everyone has unhealthy elements in their relationships at to the lowest degree some of the time. No relationship is 100% salubrious 100% of the time. But in the truly damaging families, there is a tipping point that'southward exceeded. In my family, the dysfunction, while present, doesn't really outweigh all the good that'south going on. In a family like my young man'south, the negative behavior and caustic handling is and so consistent, it's difficult to discover ANY good stuff to balance it out. Only similar annihilation else, as long as your positives outweigh your negatives, the negatives pose less of a problem. My SO doesn't mimic the ill handling of which he was the recipient...as you mention, oftentimes, children who are subject to such things end up going the reverse extreme in their ain lives, and would never treat a partner the way they saw parents care for one another, would never visit the same things upon their kids as was visited upon them, etc. The bear upon of growing up like that manifests itself in other ways, though. |
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| Quote: Originally Posted by TabulaRasa Of course they practice. All families take dysfunction...all relationships have dysfunction. Nobody maintains relationships that operate smoothly over the years with no glitches or flaws whatsoever, and everyone has unhealthy elements in their relationships at least some of the time. No human relationship is 100% healthy 100% of the time. But in the truly damaging families, in that location is a tipping indicate that's exceeded. In my family, the dysfunction, while present, doesn't actually outweigh all the good that's going on. In a family like my boyfriend'south, the negative behavior and caustic handling is and so consequent, information technology'south hard to find Whatsoever proficient stuff to balance it out. Just like anything else, as long as your positives outweigh your negatives, the negatives pose less of a problem. My SO doesn't mimic the ill treatment of which he was the recipient...as yous mention, oftentimes, children who are subject to such things terminate up going the opposite extreme in their own lives, and would never treat a partner the style they saw parents treat one another, would never visit the same things upon their kids as was visited upon them, etc. The impact of growing up like that manifests itself in other ways, though. ya, my family isn't on the level of dissentious, merely ya I concur that well-nigh people either go opposite, or the verbal aforementioned as their family. |
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| your dating the person not the persons family requite them a adventure to testify themselve to you lot . |
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| I think that from my generation onwards, baggage is gonna lose some of its stigma as people realize that they're going to have an extremely difficult time finding someone who isn't dysfunctional in some way, whether it be personally or something in their family unit. If you're expecting perfection and normality, wait to be disappointed. On a rather happy notation, as pointed out by others, many young people see the dysfunction in family and friends and brand the choice to avoid that stuff as much as possible. 1 doesn't have to personally experience everything to learn... I know that I've learned many things from (observing) others' mistakes. |
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| Yeah, it's just from what I've been through that I endeavour to avoid those things. I've been with a girl from a dysfunctional family, not a pretty situation haha. Also, this girl is exhibiting behavior that I would take as other cherry-red flags too. I don't plan to movement any further with this girl, I'll cut my losses hither I do sympathize where you lot guys are coming from, and I might exist a bit too prejudgmental here, just I guess i'm but not looking for anything too serious, and this girl seems like someone where I'd be in over my caput right abroad. |
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